


A Special Kind of Warmth

by heyitsathrowaway



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, addax has no chill, by volume this is 1/3 porn and 2/3 feelings, the sappiest possible gays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 13:07:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9608807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyitsathrowaway/pseuds/heyitsathrowaway
Summary: It's strange, seeing Jace again after all this time.Other than being about ten years older, he hasn't changed at all, really. His face is a little more worn, his smiles just that much dimmer, but he still lights up any room he's in.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i spent 15 minutes trying to come up with a good title and i gave up and stole one from the show, oops

It's strange, seeing Jace again after all this time.

Other than being about ten years older, he hasn't changed at all, really. His face is a little more worn, his smiles just that much dimmer, but he still lights up any room he's in.

What's a little sadness, a little anger, in the face of that kind of warmth?

Addax feels strange and clumsy in Jace's wake. He never used to--he knew that Jace looked up to him, was proud of that fact. It was fun, to have a rival that he knew could meet him on his own level. And Addax, even back in those days, never had many opportunities for fun.

They'd only ever kissed the once, right before that final battle. There'd been a lull in the preparations, some final adjustments being made to Jace's mech.

Jace was trying to tell him something in the corridor. His words weren't coming out right. "Addax--I hope--if we make it out-- _when_ we make it out, I mean--"

To see Jace so outwardly uncertain was like a blow to the gut. Addax had thought perhaps it was just his own private worries getting to him, but no--if Jace sounded like this, things must be truly bad.

Addax can't do what Jace does--he has no sense of precognition. He can only speak to machines the way that anyone else does. The universe is, for him, laid out in flat, straight, uncomplicated lines. But in that moment, he knew that they were on the precipice of change. It was Peace, he thinks later, that tipped him off--he knew, bone-deep, that Peace would soon become Order, if their course did not change. And their course was firmly set.

Knowing all of that, knowing that he might never get a chance to do it again--and, too, knowing that he might never have to face the consequences--it was an easy thing, to put his hands to Jace's biceps, to push him gently back against the wall of the corridor.

Jace blinked at him, and reached up to touch his face with one hand. "Oh," he said, sliding his fingers into Addax's hair. Addax leaned down, and Jace lifted up onto his toes to meet him.

Kissing Jace back then was the same as sparring with him--exhilarating and harsh and over far too soon. Jace pulled back after a moment, his arms looped around Addax's neck. 

"We should go," he said, and pressed his lips to Addax's cheek before he went.

And then Addax refused to give him the orb, and ten years passed before they saw each other on Counterweight.

It's like being struck by lightning, finding Jace again. When Jace sees him, during Ibex's speech, Addax feels like he's been turned to stone. He can't do anything but stand there while Jace walks over to him. All around them, people are staring at Weight, resplendent above them. Addax couldn't look away from Jace if he tried. 

He has things to do today, probably. Reports to write, missions to plan. He forgets all of them in the moment Jace wraps his arms around him, hugging him tightly.

Addax, off balance and unsure, manages to hug Jace back. With his face tucked into Jace's neck, he feels, more than he ever has, the enormous weight of change. 

\- 

Addax's apartment is on the outer edges of Centralia. They walk back, one of Jace's arms slung across Addax's shoulders, like they're two drunk young soldiers heading back from a rowdy night out, instead of--

Well, Addax isn’t quite sure what they are, really. But they're definitely not young. Not anymore. 

When they make it to Addax's building, the screen in the reception area cheerfully greets him. "Good to see you back, Oryx."

Jace raises an eyebrow at him. Addax shrugs. "I don't pick the names, okay?"

"Sure," Jace says, grinning, his hands tucked into his back pockets. They make their way up to Addax's flat without too much difficulty. Once they're inside, Addax realizes, abruptly, that he has no idea what to do with himself. Offering Jace a drink seems wholly inadequate, and not just because the only beverages Addax has in his apartment are a few cans of expired JoyPop. 

Everything seems wholly inadequate, with Jace right here in his apartment, three feet and ten endless years stretching between them. What is there to say?

Jace--Jace, the lost Oricon hero, still beautiful and determined and brilliant in everything he does--rescues him. Of course he does. He closes the distance between them--the space, if not the years--and he puts his hands to the sides of Addax's face. 

"I missed you," Addax says. It feels as though the words are being pulled from his chest. It almost hurts to speak. 

He can't stop smiling. His hands find their way to Jace's waist. 

"Me too," Jace says. "I mean--you were with me, kind of. In the simulation. But it wasn't the same." He smiles, and tugs Addax down towards him, their noses brushing. "Sometimes I would think about the things you wanted to do, but didn't, and you'd do them. Ruined the whole thing, I had to rewind. But it was nice. To remember that you were out here, doing things I couldn't predict or imagine."

"I didn't know--I thought you might be dead."

Jace pulls back just far enough to look Addax in the eyes. "I'm alive," he says, triumphant, and kisses him.

Now, Jace kisses like a banked fire, warm and slow, but with an edge lurking underneath. 

Addax didn't think he'd ever have this. He pushes his hands up the back of Jace's shirt, feeling the hot skin of his back against his palms. 

Jace steps back, and Addax catches his breath. Right. Still having a reunion. Still standing in the middle of Addax's kitchen, in an apartment rented under an assumed name that Jamil had laughed while picking out. 

"Um." He has to clear his throat. "Do you want something to drink? Or eat?"

Jace throws his head back and laughs. "No, Addax, I don't want a drink," he says. "I want to make up for lost time." Which is _such_ a terrible line, and such a terribly Jace thing to say. 

These moments keep gutting Addax, the times when he can see Jace as he was and as he is, superimposed on each other: the cheeky grin as he fumblingly hit on Addax, all those years ago, against the casualness with which he now turns to find Addax's bedroom.

He both has and hasn't changed at all. Addax can't help but wonder how he himself seems, in Jace's eyes. Whether he's changed, after all this time.

"Stop brooding," Jace says over his shoulder, once he's found the right door. He's still smiling. "You look like we're about to go into battle."

Addax rolls his eyes, and follows Jace. "I do not," he says. "It's like--what was it you told me? My battle face is a whole different serious expression."

Jace stretches his arms above his head. "Honestly, I stole that from Tea." He flops down in the center of Addax's bed, spreading his arms and legs wide.

Addax sits down next to him. He leans back on one hand, putting the other to the center of Jace's chest. "So you didn't give any undue thought to my expressions at all, huh? I think maybe I should be insulted."

"Trust me," Jace says, with the kind of sudden and devastating honesty Addax isn't used to, anymore. "You don't have anything to worry about." His eyes are very bright. Addax presses him down against the bed and kisses him.

Jace goes pliant, and tugs Addax over him, wrapping his arms around his neck. Addax kisses him over and over, heady with the fact that he can just--do this, that he can kiss Jace Rethal, that Jace is here to be kissed, that he's currently busy wrapping one of his legs around Addax's waist.

Addax is panting when he breaks away. Jace wraps both arms around Addax's shoulders, one leg still around his waist, and he hugs him tightly, warm and all-encompassing. 

"It's so nice to feel things again," Jace says, into Addax's neck. "In the simulation, everything felt real, but--it was all so cold, you know? Sterile, like it was a level removed. A little like when I'm fogging a machine."

"Everything was like that, for ten years?" Addax pulls Jace a little bit closer, though they're pressed together so tightly that it's a difficult proposition.

"It wasn't so bad," Jace says. He brushes his lips against Addax's neck, and bites him experimentally. "You were there. And Tea, and Orth." He pulls back just far enough that he can grin at Addax. "The simulation of you wasn't nearly as handsome, don't worry."

Jace's smiles are infectious. Addax can't help but grin back at him. Jace sits up, almost knocking his head into Addax's nose as he does it, and he starts pulling off Addax's shirt. Addax, bemused, raises his arms so that Jace can get it off. Jace pulls off his own, and then ruffles Addax's hair for good measure. 

It's infuriating, how everything Jace does somehow ends up being charming. Addax kisses him on the cheek, and gets a hand under his knee to drag him towards the edge of the bed.

"Oh, I see how it is," Jace says, laughing and letting himself be led. Jace wriggles out of his pants and underwear while Addax slides to his knees between his legs. Jace leans back on his hands, his face cheerfully cocky, and underneath, a little unsure. He's so utterly like himself. Addax presses a kiss to the inside of his thigh, just above his knee, and then another, a little higher, and then another. Jace's breaths are coming quick and shallow.

"Any chance I can get you to hurry up?" 

"We've already waited ten years," Addax says, reasonably. He kisses Jace's thigh one more time, right over his racing pulse, and looks up. Jace's eyes are very wide, color high in his cheeks. He widens his eyes further when he catches Addax looking, biting at his lip, playing it up. Addax's kisses his thigh again, hiding his smile. He hitches one of Jace's thighs up on his shoulder, and leans in to lick at him.

Jace's breath hitches, and his heel digs into Addex's back. "Alright?" Addax asks, pulling back, curling his hand around Jace's thigh.

"I'm fine. Great! I'm great." He's panting. "Everything just feels--a lot. Like I said, I just kind of...haven't felt things, for a while. So everything is--" he gasps, as Addax runs a thumb across Jace's clit, experimentally. "Shit, don't _stop_ ," Jace says, face tipped back towards the ceiling. His hands are white-knuckled in the sheets.

Addax obliges, going as slow as he thinks won't make Jace kick him. Jace is so wet, and squirming under Addax's hands. 

"You can touch me, you know," Addax murmurs against him, and Jace gasps, one of his hands coming up to grip Addax's hair. His thumb rubs at the ridge of Addax's ear. He's looking down at Addax now. Even his ears are red.

Addax presses closer against him, nosing against Jace's curls. He licks at Jace's clit in broad strokes, and Jace tightens his hand in his hair. He's so quiet, but his breath is coming in gasps, and after a few minutes, he can't hold himself up anymore, collapsing back against the bed. Addax shifts on his knees, pulling Jace in by the hips to get him closer.

"Fuck," Jace says, biting out the word. "Oh, fuck, _Addax_ \--"

Jace is beautiful when he comes, his head thrown back and his hands clutching at the sheets, his blush spreading up from his neck. Addax kneels between his legs and watches, transfixed, until Jace kicks him in the side. "Get up here," he says, voice rough and fond, his breathing still uneven.

Addax climbs up onto the bed, only slightly unsteady, his legs on either side of Jace's waist. Jace grins at him lazily, and puts both hands in Addax's hair, kissing him deeply.

They kiss for a long time, warm and slow. Addax still can't quite escape the feeling that this is the last time he's going to get to do this, even though he knows that's not true--he won't _let_ it be true. He'll see Jace again, no matter what.

"How can you still be thinking so much?" Jace asks, pulling back to poke at Addax's cheek. "I can hear you, you know."

Addax doesn't ask if Jace means that literally or figuratively. Jace, startlingly easily, flips him over to straddle his hips. He looks down triumphantly. 

"Still gotta work on my muscle strength, but not too shabby," he says smugly.

"Now who's thinking too much?"

Jace puts his hand on Addax's dick, squeezing him through his pants, and laughs when Addax covers his face with his hands and gasps sharply. Addax, for a moment, feels so desperately in love he can hardly breathe. 

"Sorry, what was that?"

Addax reaches up to cup Jace's cheek. "I'm glad you're here, Jace."

"Man," Jace says, smiling to himself as he unbuttons Addax's pants, "where was any of this back during the war?"

There are a lot of answers to that question. 

"I was kidding," Jace says, not unkindly. "Stop _thinking_." He gets his hand around Addax's dick, and applies himself to not letting Addax think about anything at all. Like most things, he's very, very good at it. 

Jace curls up at Addax's side, his head pillowed on one arm, jerking him off in slow steady strokes. It's tempting to try to hide his face, but Jace is watching him so intently, his eyes bright. Addax doesn't have the heart to turn away, even as he comes, his toes curling in the sheets, his eyes still locked with Jace's. He does cover his eyes with his arm afterwards, as Jace does his best to remove all the space between them. 

"You're heavy," Addax tells him.

"You like it," Jace says, snuggling closer, his head tucked into the crook of Addax's neck. 

-

In the morning, Jace is radiant, snoring inelegantly into his pillow, curled up tightly in a ball. Addax runs a hand down his flank and smiles. Jace opens one eye to peer at him over his elbow. 

"Didn't you get enough sleep already?" Addax asks.

"Never," says Jace. "Well. Maybe enough for right now." He springs out of bed with more energy than Addax feels. "I wonder if I can still remember how to cook."

"Jace," Addax says, to the empty air as Jace stumbles out to the kitchen, "you've never been able to cook."

Despite this, he manages to make a fairly passable attempt at waffles. Addax can't remember the last time he sat across the table from someone and ate like this, calm and unhurried.

It hasn't really been a great ten years for him either.

Jace still has dark circles under his eyes, and his hair is growing back in unevenly, and he has syrup stuck at the corner of his mouth. No one, in the long history of the Golden Branch, has ever looked so beautiful. Addax wants so badly to stay here, to crystallize this moment and never leave it. But he knows, just as well as Jace does, now, that it's impossible. Things are always moving forward. It's foolishness, to try and tread water amidst the current. 

"I can't stay." The words burn in Addax's throat as he says them. 

"Order?" Jace asks, carefully.

"No, no, it's not that. I'm done with that." Addax sighs. "I'm not really Diasporan anymore. There's something else--something bigger."

Jace smiles. "It's important?"

"Maybe the only important thing, anymore." Addax sighs, and puts down his fork. "It's all a mess, Jace. We stopped that war, but sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't have been better, for us to just fight each other into oblivion."

"No you don't," Jace says cheerfully. "Man--have you been like this for the past ten years? With no one to snap you out of it?"

Addax laughs. "Not exactly. There's my partner Jamil. You'll like her, I think."

"I'd love to meet her." Jace holds out a hand for Addax's tablet. "Here. I picked up a new comm yesterday. I'll give you the frequency. We're not losing touch again."

It's hard not to feel strong, in the face of Jace's sincerity. Even after everything. 

"I have a better idea," Addax says. "Why don't you come work with me? Not now, necessarily. You probably want some time. But--someday."

"I'd like that," says Jace, and his smile is like the sun coming up over the horizon.


End file.
